Today I have chosen not to believe in love. The concept, the act, the word and the letters that comprise it.
None of it.
I refuse to acknowledge that such a thing exists. It's a trick. To get us to procreate. People who study dreams think that we construct the narrative end of them in the seconds before we wake. There is no naturally coherent story to the dream. We make it up. Humans have to have meaning, you see.
Love is like that. A story we construct in the last seconds of sleep, to make sense of the dementia.
But the reality is that my sack of DNA wants to reproduce with your sack of DNA, and in order to feel like all that effort is worth the trip, Love is manufactured. Isn't that funny? Love actually makes the whole thing harder. If it weren't for love we'd be much happier folk, instead of tending to our mass delusion that somewhere there is a person or people built just for us.
It is a chemical reaction, just like Twinkies.
Is that so? It is so...I have said it.
So, as of today, I am going to stop smiling when I hear my friend CP, or E.'s name. Today I am going stop looking at art with any amount of wonder. Today I am going to only eat unsatisfying food. Today I am going to frown at every passenger on the EL, and scoff and make terrible angry sounds when we are delayed on the train. Today I will not listen to music that makes my heart lubdub like a fool, and change every song on my ipod to a series of record skips and car crash sound effects. Today I will no longer read poetry and think it's anything special. Today I will push my way to the head of the line. Today I will avoid eye contact with everyone. Today I will yell at the sky when it starts raining and I forgot my umbrella. Today I will ask for all gifts I have given back. Today I will not laugh at a joke, but instead I will snort and roll my eyes. Today I will stop believing in possibility. Today I will pick my nails and toss them to the floor right in front of you, leaving them on the pile next to all the dried mucus and coffee grounds from last night .
Who am I kidding?
Tuesday, December 9, 2008
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2 comments:
Hi!
Hooray!
So this band is pretty good, huh? Do you have the whole album? I have heard this song on the radio, and I like it and I love that other one and can't stop listening to it. So good.
I hope your day is filled with smiles that come from unexpected sources.
xoxoxox
I do have the whole album and it's great. I've been listening to it over and over. It's been a while since I've enjoyed this many songs on one record.
Yes...I said record...jus' like a granny.
Their cover of Kate Bush's "Suspended in Gaffa" is a-crappin'-mazing.
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