Wednesday, December 10, 2008

It is 10:43pm...

I am taking a Lunesta right now.

[Editor's note: Everything below has been left as is. Typos and phrasing is all as it was when I typed it last night. The only exception is the italics. As you will read, in my state it would have been impossible for me to italicize anything last night. -j-j-]

(Opens pill bottle, pops tiny blue pill into mouth, finishes up water in bottle, places bottle next to the 9 others on desk. Considers 10 empty water bottles on desk with a sigh.)

I need to get rid of these guys...later.


10:48pm:

In the last 48 hours, I have become a little concerned over my Lunesta use. On Saturday, as I regaled my friends with tales of Lunesta hazed conversations, I noticed looks of consternation on the faces of those around me.

Taking a sleep drug is an interesting thing, something of an experiment. Perhaps, had I been more scientifcally in clined, I could have been of those rogue doctors who tries drugs out on herself, and damn the scientiic community. Someday they'll know! (Though, I have a feeling, were I to be that rogue physician, I'd probably just blind myself spraying Aquanet into my eyes to see if it could hold the lids open.)

Their disturbance was contagious. Was there something wrong with half remembered conversations, and emails sent with under the Voudon fog of Lunesta's green bitterfly? Maybe yes.

10:59

Since I was a kid, I've had insomnia so the idea of heading off into sleep, ungiddied and ready for rest is appealing to me. Old habits must dies hard, however becasue I can't ssem to get myself to go to ed. No, no...just one more phone call, or another websire. I can check around on target for christmas present ideas. Oh, hey...why not start a blog entry or revise others.

(Pauses, hovers over keysnboard)

So, yeah...I fight thourhg it and tomorrow I may not even recall typing these words. I'm sort of asleep right now.

11:04

I can carry on conversatins. Call me and you'll see. Between 11 and 12 are peak Lunesta hours.

I think I'm building up a resistance to teh drug. I can fight through it more easily than before. It;s used to be that the black sleep of death would over take me and I'd better be pj-ed out and lying in bed before I (inexplicably nibbles at back of hand, realizes this, stops) took on eliit tablet.

Now look at me. Awake and 84% functioing . How long before I start gambling. Eating chillidogs at 2am, sexing around.

Christ the other day I nearly took a Lunesta rather than another drug I was on...boy that woulda sucked. It was the day I was supposed to take care of R. and J. O wonder if they would have liked Harrah's.

11:08

The physical feeling o fht e drug is unsettling. Like every muscle in your face is succumbing to the gravity an unnatural black hole inside...and really, let;s be honest. That's why your taking Lunesta to begin wth right...casue of that back hole?

(Noticing poximity to the keyboard and posture. )

My back has curled jsut a little forward...more fetal. Is that what you want, back? To lie down? Okay...soon enough. My face droops down like hot salt water taffy.

Back in a second, I'm going ot grab a handfull of nuts.

(Gets up to test walking)

11:21

As you can see a considerablt amout of time has passed. I had a fragment conversation whic I cannot recall at the moment and I have retuned with toast and jelly. Not nuts. I lost my taste for tehnuts int eh kitchen.

Toast and Jelly is a treat. You should give it a whirl when you feell like pretending it's pie. Use real black berry or strawberry preserves...not that smuckers's shit. A little butter. Particulalry with cofeee or it's cold outside. It is one of life small pleasures.

11:27

This is the muster through part. The part where my whole rest of the body is frustrated that I'm ...(Gets up to remove clothes from bed to appear like there are'nt clothes and open suitcases on teh bed all the time. I am a civilized human being for chrissake. comes backand see the lines on the screen and-)

Seriously, did you see the Serphent and the Rainbow? This is kinda what i think those guys feel like. Lost dexterity, eyes at half mast. I can answer yur questionsbut the answer might be less coherent thant you'd expect.

11:41

As far as I know no phone calls have been made. Ans n emails...I think I've kept myself on task fairly well here.

I'm off to bed...we'll review in teh morning.





7:23am

I woke up this morning and, while I recall writing some of this - most of it from the beginning, there are definitely portions that ring no bells. Like, wow, I had toast and jelly last night? It kind of remember that...but it's like a dream.

Goodness. I think I might reevaluate Lunesta's presence in my life.

7 comments:

Erica said...

So without the Lunesta, you can't sleep at all? And with it, you can? How is the sleep that you get with it? Is it restful? Have you ever tried listening to relaxation cds at night before bed or after you take it?

My mom has been an insomniac her whole life and is currently on Lunesta. When she was here in June, she would have panic attacks right before she would go to sleep, so I started playing her a guided sleep meditation just to distract her brain--it worked. Now she has a number of relaxing cds she listens to at night and most of the time she gets some sleep. I can make a copy of that guided meditation if you like. It might just be a placebo, but you never know.

I guess the real question is, what would be the motivation behind stopping taking it? Because people are concerned? Cause if it is working for you, then that is good and who cares what people think. But if you don't like it or it makes you uncomfortable, then it is good you are thinking about it and should talk to your doctor.

Anyways, I am thinking about you.

Anonymous said...

"I lost my taste for tehnuts int eh kitchen."

This will be the motto on my family crest.

Once I get a crest.

And a family.

Ron K.

Jan Smelk said...

If you take a sleep drug, lay down and go to sleep. Don't mess about. There is your Nurse Ratchet entry for the week. CP thinks I'm mean to you, but I believe we understand each other, no?

Paul Rekk said...

And if you cold turkey that Lunestra and are looking for a gentleman to rid you of the remainder, I'm young and irresponsible enough to think that unexplained toast and jelly sounds like an alright evening in.

Just sayin', is all.

Henri D said...

MD SLEEP. Available at Wal-mart
Nicole takes it because she HATES the lucid living that comes before and after sleep for her. I'll bring you a few and you can pop um to see what's up.

Henri D said...

Oh, an if your bedroom is also your living room/office/dining room, then you brain wants to stay active in it. If you can, have only relaxing things in the bedroom, and all other distractions outside. Yeah, i know, good thinking douche, I live with 4 other people! How's that gonna happen?

-j-j- said...

I think, for the most part, I should quit telling Lunesta stories in mixed company.

I think they're funny and weird. Others just think they're weird.

As far as quitting the, I'll use it when I need it (Thanks for the thoughts E.). The trouble is I have a hard time relaxing my brain enough to get a decent night's sleep. I stay up noodling around on online, writing, working on stuff and all the et cetera you can eat.

Or I wake up at 2am.

And, Yes, Jan, we understand each other. You are being pharmacologically practical. I should get the jammies on and get in the friggin' bed.

 
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