Thursday, October 9, 2008

Random Thoughts

1. Last night, my nephew R. noticed a giant lake of urine in the middle of the living room floor - the lighting was such that we couldn't see it right away.

"R. did you make pee-pee on the floor?" his father asked with sigh.

"No. It was J."

J. toddled by, his diaper sagging wide open.

I came from my room and said, half aloud, "It was me." This was met with some polite chuckles from the parents. At this point there wasn't much room for humor while they mopped up the puddle.

R. looked concerned but not shocked. "-J-J-? YOU made that pee-pee on the floor?"

I laughed. "No, R., I didn't make that pee-pee on the floor."

He furrowed his brow. "Then why did you say that?"

"I was making a joke."

"Oh." He contemplated this, calculating the reasons why or why not it equaled humor, and then moved on to chasing J. screaming "Happy Cuckoo Clock!"

What kind of world it would be if a grown rational adult making pee-pee on the floor was a distinct possibility? R. lives in that world.


2. From time to time, there are days when nothing is but what it is. There is no greater metaphor. There is no larger symbol. There is only a series of nouns.

There is only Duck.
There is only Cheese.
There is only Oil Slick.

I hate these days.


3. A woman sat next to me on the bus. Once she had settled, a large hand reached from behind her and swatted at her ear. She jerked her head a round to take a good look at the hooligan to whom the hand belonged.

Behind us sat a large man, with a long, bushy salt and pepper grey beard and old coke bottle glasses. He was the kind of guy who wears straw hats and red suspenders, and who might be mentally ill, or just friendly.

He could see she was angry.

When she turned, he pointed upwards, to the bee he had swatted away from her ear.

Her aggravation melted into relief and she thanked him. She let out an uncertain laugh, trying to reconcile the abrupt rage with the just as abrupt forgiveness and gratitude.

It is rare to have expectations so clearly denied for the better. I bet she had to take a nap after that.


3a. Bee Continued - The Bee on the bus knocked around on the ceiling towards the front. There wasn't a person in there that wasn't fixated on it, obsessing over how to escape should it hover towards them.

I wondered how many of them had actually been stung by a bee, and how many were merely cowering from years of hysterical warnings on how painful bee stings are. (To be sure, for those who are allergic to bees, stings are a deadly proposition.)

If bees can smell fear, this one was surely suffocated by the vapor lifting off these passengers.


4. My sister and the clan are going out of town this weekend. I have no plans for a kegger, however, one of these nights - maybe Friday - I'm going to purchase a little bottle of Disaronno and give it a test run.

I'll let you know how it goes. If you are just as curious as I am, let me know, and we can take this fantastic voyage together. If not, I'll sail this ship alone.

Expect empty, slobbery envelopes in the mail.

7 comments:

regan said...

I've got family coming into town this weekend, but pick up some sour mix with your disaronno. It's just like a whiskey sour, but more petite and tasting like wild cherry pepsi.

Erica said...

If your Disaronno tasting happens on Saturday, count me in.

(sidenote: my word verification right now is qeuvt. Imagine what a great sound that makes!)

joe g. said...

I don't think you have my address but I'll keep my eyes peeled for that envelope anyway.

rebar said...

>>R. looked concerned but not shocked. "-J-J-? YOU made that pee-pee on the floor?"
....

"I was making a joke."
...

"Oh." He contemplated this, calculating the reasons why or why not it equaled humor, and then moved on to chasing J. screaming "Happy Cuckoo Clock!"
....


You realised that you just triggered his "Jackass"/Johnny Knoxville gene where now

Pee = Jokes

FOREVER

-j-j- said...

(Sigh) Yeah. I'm scarring these children one tinkle joke at a time.

I should warn them now about the dangers of working "blue".


And Erica, Yes! I can change my Disaronno night to Saturday. We can find I'm sure there's an earth toned bar out there someplace. Movies and Disaronno!

And Joe,the envelope will probably arrive long after you've forgotten about this post, in the creepiest possible place. Like the men's bathroom at Chuck E. Cheese.

Dianna said...

DiSarronno = Amaretto

Amaretto on the Rocks = one of Dianna's favorite drinks

Dianna's availability on Friday or Saturday = zero

Dianna = misses Ellison

Jan Smelk said...

WHY AREN'T I IN CHICAGO DRINKING DISARNNO?! WHY?

my word verification is exactly how i feel: uykuvki.

fuck.

 
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