Thursday, October 16, 2008

Random Thoughts

1. I run three or four times a week around my neighborhood.

Towards the end of my run, I pass by a house with a trim backyard and a swing. Living in this yard is a tiny dog. He is an intense guard of his fiefdom. When he sees my approach, he dashes to the chain link fence and yarks at my heels.

Each time I pass, no matter where I am in my thoughts, I imagine him trotting back to his bed thinking, "Yeah...that's right,RUN, mortal...I will cut you."

2. This last week, I learned to drive a stick for the first time in my life. I have had a couple of mild experiences before - driving 20 miles an hour to and from a rural gas station - but I've never driven in anything approximating city traffic, and at speeds of 25 and over...stopping, starting, stalling, starting again.

If you have driven an automatic your whole life, the process is maddening. Your limbs do not obey anything you tell them, the car fusses at you and, when you stall (and you will. You cannot avoid it, so give up. Your attempts at avoidance are laughable.) it's at the busiest intersections during rush hour and the cars behind you don't care if you are just learning, and they will honk their displeasure with glee. The world is against you.

The first time I drove a long stretch by myself, I emerged from the car, soaking from my own sweat, shaking from all the crying and screaming I had done back at Pulaski, and dreading the ride home. Each second I was on the road was panic stricken, and I wailed and cried out what a failure I was - not just at driving but at everything - and how was I ever going to learn how to do it when it was so hard and scary and I HATE ON THE NOSE METAPHORS.

It was truly awful.

The first time I got through a whole drive without stalling out, I nearly wept. I'm so much better, though, than when I first started. In fact, now I prefer driving the stick. As my friend T. said over the weekend, you're more like an active participant when you drive a stick.

It may seem a small thing but it's very cool to learn a new skill.

3. Words that don't sound like what they mean:

What it actually means:

1 a: having lost motion or the power of exertion or feeling b: sluggish in functioning or acting
2: lacking in energy or vigor

What I think it should mean:

Passive aggressively annoyed.

What it actually means:

1 a: existing in title only ; especially : bearing a title derived from a defunct ecclesiastical jurisdiction b: having the title and usually the honors belonging to an office or dignity without the duties, functions, or responsibilities
2: bearing a title
3: of, relating to, or constituting a title

What I think it should mean:

Finicky at the expense of other's good time.

What it actually means:

1: occurring every day
2 a: belonging to each day b: commonplace

What I think it should mean:


4. When you are crossing the frozen river of getting over something, you will eventually find yourself in apparent safety. Then, from all around, you will hear the sound of building applause, cheering your triumph.

Those aren't applause.

That's the ice cracking underneath you.

Keep moving.

5. There is something wrong with me. Something very wrong.

I'm no stranger to embarrassing musical taste, nor am I all that squeamish about letting people in on my less than hip choices. I have selections from Christina Aguilera to Ricky Martin to Highlights from the Lost Boys Soundtrack peppering my iTunes library.

But this...I'm not sure what to do or say about it.

I may have John Coltrane, XTC, Billy Bragg, Tom Waits, and Beethoven filling up most of the space on my iPod, but I'm afraid none of them can make up for the fact that I LOVE that new David Archuleta song.

You read correctly. David Archuleta. The dim but well meaning cocker spaniel also-ran from American Idol last year.

I love it. I m'er effin LOVE IT.

Want a taste? Check it.

It's not good. I should know better but can't help myself. Bring your slings and arrows! YOU DON'T KNOW ME.

God. I don't know me, either. How did I ever become such a stranger to myself?

(I want to be clear. I am not going all cougar on David Archuleta. Yee. I just LOVE THIS STUPID SONG.)

A word of warning. The video is so wholesome, you'll probably shit granola bars for a week.


Crazypants said...

You know i love the section on words. And you mentioned some of my favorites ( i love "quotidian, also "Chameleon" and "Lanolin"). And I AM going totally fucking cougar over David Archuleta, whoever that is. I just like the phrase going totally fucking cougar.

rebar said...

>>I LOVE that new David Archuleta song.

Yeah. I'm gonna need my friendship bracelet back.

Also, we should agree to avoiding eye contact for the next month or so.

The only thing keeping me from deleting your number off my cel, is that you didn't proclaim your love for that that new NKOTB song. Whatchamacallit.

I have met three grown women who went (or have tickets, I can't recall) to their reunion concert.

Honestly, I was kinda upset about turning 39 until I realised that being just a few years older kept me from having any kind of connection or interest in NKOTB.

Small favors.

-j-j- said...

Hey...I KNOW it's awful.

I think you have watched that video 14 times today.

rebar said...

Whatever you need to tell yourself, lady.

Add to Technorati Favorites