A secret not shared will erupt

A few weeks ago, the writing group I belong to had an assignment: Take a post card from the website PostSecret and a write a scene in which the secret is not the focus of the scene, but a contributing factor to one of the characters.

My secret was "I can eat a dozen Dunkin' Donuts in one sitting."

Here is what I came up with. I haven't really done any revisions on it...so I think there are a few typos (NOTE: The language in here is pretty rough. If you are easily offended, read no further. Stay in bed and wish the world away.):

SALES LADY, 40’s
JUSTIN, 14
DAVE, 14
GREG, 14
BRANDON, 14


(The fitting room of a Dress Barn on a Saturday in South Carolina.

There is a tremendous commotion coming into the store. A woman’s voice hollers, “You can’t go in there!” JUSTIN, a heavyset kid about 14 years old comes running, sputtering into one of the dressing room stalls. He slams the door shut and latches it. There is a beat of him breathing, perhaps vocalizing a little bit from the long run.

A woman, THE SALES LADY, peers into the room. She speaks with a heavy southern accent – lower class.)

SALES LADY
Son, you can’t come in here. Now I mean it.

JUSTIN
Please go away!

SALES LADY
Now, Son, I’m gonna have to get the manager, and I can tell you right now he’s not gonna be too happy about this.

JUSTIN
Please...(huffing) Just leave me alone for a second…please….

SALES LADY
You listen here-

(As she speaks there is another wave of noise for the front of the store. Several boys are are shouting saying “He’s in here!” or “I saw Him go in there!” Their voices draw closer as they wander into the retail space.)

SALES LADY
I’m gonna have to call your parents-

JUSTIN
You don’t know my parents-

(One of the boys says “I think she’s talking to him in there!”)

SALES LADY
You can bet when I call the manager down here he’ll be able to find out every little thing he needs to know about you and don’t I know it…He can be very persuasive when he wants to be. And what, pray tell, am I going to tell them, your parents…”Ma’am I’m sorry but your son won’t leave the ladies dressing room?’ What she going to think?

JUSTIN
Please be quiet, ma’am. Shhhh! Please!


(One of the boys from out in the retail area approaches the door.)

DAVE
Excuse me ma’am. Did a kid go in there?

SALES LADY (Turning to see him)
Yes…is he a friend of yours?

(Giggles from the boys in the store)

DAVE
Yes, actually, he is. Would you like us to go get him…take him out of the store?

SALES LADY
If he’ll listen you you…But make it quick I have customers I have to take care of. If he isn’t out of here soon, I’ll have to call the manager.

DAVE
We should be able to get him to come out.

(A beat, JUSTIN’s Breathing)

SALES LADY
Alright. Quickly…I said Quickly.

DAVE
Yes Ma’am.

(She leaves and goes up front. The boys, DAVE, GREG, and BRANDON, all about 14 creep in and look at the stalls.)

DAVE
Get out here, Justin.

GREG
Yeah…get out here you little faggit.

BRANDON
BIG faggit.

(They all laugh. A beat.)

BRANDON
We KNOW you’re here, dude. We saw you run in from the mall. Either you come out or wer’e gonna drag you out, you fat Faggit.

JUSTIN
No.

(Pause, the boys look at each other like “Can you believe this guy?)

GREG
No? (He walks up to the stall and rattles the door.) No?! Get out here, man, for serious! We’re really gonna rip this door off if we have to! I been lifting some weights with my dad, so I’m pretty strong. My dad said, so I bet I can pull this door down if I wanted.

(There is crying from inside the stall)

BRANDON
For real? Are you crying? What are you crying for? Quit crying like a bitch!

JUSTIN
LEAVE ME ALONE! I didn’t do anything to you!

DAVE
Dude you ate my whole birthday cake today! That was my birthday cake! My Garfield birthday cake that was made special at Baskin-Robbins for me! You ate it!

JUSTIN
I didn’t, I swear to Jesus, I didn’t…c’mon I didn’t!

DAVE
Brandon said he saw you, Justin!

JUSTIN
He’s a liar!

(BRANDON bangs his fist on the stall)

BRANDON
What! I am not a liar! I am NOT A LIAR! You take it back! YOU TAKE THAT BACK YOU LITTLE FAGGIT!

DAVE
We were gone for like 15 minutes for the all-skate, and when we came back, my cake was all gone and Brandon said it was you! He SAW YOU!

JUSTIN
It was Brandon! I swear to god it was Brandon!

DAVE
That is BA-LON-EY, you fat turd…

GREG
Look at him…He doesn’t eat anything hardly ever.

BRANDON
I almost never eat nothing!

JUSTIN
YOU DID! I SAW YOU!

DAVE
That is so dumb…you are so dumb Justin so fat and D-U-M-B. Brandon doesn’t hardly eat anything and you are a big fat pig…how does that figure?

SALES LADY (From up front)
I said quickly!

(GREG rattles the door. DAVE looks at BRANDON and motions that he is going to reach under the stall and drag JUSTIN out. DAVE gets down on his knees. There is a long silence as he sneaks to the door.)

JUSTIN
Um…guys…?

(In one swift jerking move, DAVE reaches in and with GREGs help they grab JUSTINs legs from under the stall. JUSTIN lets out a scream as his body thuds to the ground. The boys struggle. BRANDON kneels and yanks at JUSTIN’s legs as well. JUSTIN struggles, but is no match for the boys as they pull him out into the open area, in front of the mirrors. JUSTIN begins to cry out, but BRANDON covers his mouth.)

BRANDON
You take it back! You take that back! I am not a liar! I AM NOT A LIAR!

(JUSTIN wriggles away from his hand)

JUSTIN
Please don’t!

DAVE
Let’s get him outside!

GREG
Hold still you little faggit!

JUSTIN
No! PLEASE!

BRANDON
See! You Little TURD…No You big fat turd…you don’t eat other people’s cake! You don’t eat it! You don’t ! You...

(BRANDON backs up. The look on his face changes from rage to terror.)

DAVE
What is it, Brandon?

GREG
You okay?

(The struggle stops. JUSTIN takes the opportunity to scoot back, but he is too tired to go very far.)

BRANDON
I…I’m not feeling…I don’t

(BRANDON lurches forward and in one violent motion vomits up a massive amount of what looks like orange and black cake. The boys stare at the carnage. A beat. DAVE begins to cry.)

DAVE
You…faggit.