My Name is Optimus Prime. YEAH, IT IS!

 There are some things that exist inside of us that, despite every pinch in our psyches, we cannot squelch.  Nor can we reason them away. 

We may be afraid to reveal these dark spots to other tribe members for fear of reprisal, but they won't be contained for long.  Not when they operate on such powerful and involuntary instinct.

Which is why, for reasons I can't identify, I AM SO EMMER EFFING EXCITED TO SEE THIS

 MOVIE.

I've watched this trailer, like, 427 times and I'm still about to pass out.  

Some of you had the dubious honor of seeing the first Transformers movie with me a couple of years ago.  My reaction was not dissimilar.

Yeah, I KNOW it was a horrible movie.  The script totally sucked and, as pointed out by a couple of members of our party, the mechanics of the transforming were implausible.

I. Don't. Care.

Sure, I liked the Transformers as a kid.  My friend up the street, Brett, had a shit ton of action figures (I never had any except that poor wretch Cassette Tape Ravage - or was it Rumble?)

God, look at him.  So pathetic.  

via videosift.com

I watched the cartoons in a casual way.  I was not a passionate follower.

Then, in 2007, I saw a preview for the first Transformers movie and I totally flipped the fuck out.  I've tried to reason it away.  I've tried to take apart my own machinery to figure out why, when those emmer effers transform and chase and blow shit up I CAN BARELY CONTAIN MYSELF.

I will be there on opening day.  You can come if you want.  But know this, I will embarrass you.  I can't help it.  It is not ill meant.

BUT WHEN THEY START TRANSFORMING, I WILL GO APESHIT.