Song for a Crappy Tuesday: Birthday Edition

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Today is my sister, A.'s, birthday.

I did not, as most children do, come into this world alone. I had someone waiting for me.

A. was on this planet for four and a half years before I showed up.

It is not possible to explain the universe in which she and I live.

"Gosh",You were right there, jumping into bed with me at night, torturing her by drawing on her back with lip gloss, A. makes things, draws, constructs, plays with me, she acts - the first time I saw her act in any real way, I was agog - envious, adoring - she writes, lovely poetic cool things that made sense to me - she taped me in secret, we taped mom in secret, she was my ally, I bugged her all the time to play with this thing or that thing, God was everywhere and nowhere, God was a show, Special, Special, Peculiar is more like it, I admired her so, she made set pieces for me to play on, she laughed at me, I was so glad when she left for college - what a stupid teenager (I wasn't glad at all - I was petrified), hanging out with A. was always the best thing - once she said "I like who I am when I'm with you. I feel like myself" ME TOO ME TOO - but you can't say those things back right away because they never sound sincere - A. is thoughtful in ways I can never be - She tries, she works, she makes the effort every day, without fail and WITH FAILURE, good failure, bad failure, Calls on the phone when I was brainsick, why were you ever so understanding when I never called you back? Get away from me. Please never leave. Things she said shaped the very core of me, once she told me "Why would you want to be a part of something somebody else made when you could make something that's all your own?" I told her years later that what she said helped define what I wanted and she said "Oh, god, I hope I haven't ruined your career." I am not sorry you said that. One bit. A. is always looking for ways to be creative, to think, to feel. And don't you say you're not, A. She knows everything, it seems, and looks to learn about everything, always curious, it takes her easily triple the time to go through a museum because she reads EVERYTHING. You were right there. You were right there. Waiting for me. "Gosh."

I would not be who I am, were it not for her.


This is the very first record I remember us owning. It was A.'s and it was her favorite song.

Happy Birthday A. I love you. You are my favorite.