Capgras

Today is something of a catch up day (After a raucous slumber party with my four-year-old nephew, R.) so, from the vault comes Capgras.

The following scene is the result of an assignment given last year for my writing group. From a book called "Vanishing America", everyone was given an article on items or customs that have all but disappeared from the American Landscape. The goal was to write a scene in which the item or custom was NOT the focus, but if one were to remove it, the scene would fall apart. My item was a rotary phone.

(Phones are an issue in general. The rings give me the willies and talking on the phone is nerve wracking.)

To be fair, I'd been working on this idea for a while (as follow up and component in a potential thematic trilogy to Minnesota Normals.), but this assignment gave me the chance to tinker with it. I have plans to continue it into a full length play, but it's been ages since I've picked it up.

For more information on Capgras Delusion, you can go to the ever dubious Wikipedia Article.

This piece was presented as part of our RAW series last May.


VIVIEN, a woman
GENE, her husband

(Interior of a mid-range resort hotel suite in 1962 at around 6am. There is a giant king sized bed with a dark green satin bedspread, and two nightstands on either side. Atop the left-hand nightstand is a black rotary dial phone. The floor is covered in gold shag carpeting. On the far left is a door leading to a bathroom. Some of the bathroom is visible from the stage, the sink and the shower.

There are paintings on the wall that look like they may be of lovers, but they are blurry and poorly drawn.

Through the door, enter GENE and VIVIEN. They are both in their mid-thirties and dressed as if they have been out on the town, though a little worse for wear. GENE is carrying both of their coats and leading VIVIEN into the room by the arm. VIVIEN has a bandage on her forehead. Her makeup has run around her eyes, giving her an even more beleaguered look. GENE leads her all the way in, and gently closes the door behind them while he is talking…it seems he has been going on and on. VIVIEN never takes her eyes off of GENE.)

GENE
I mean, for heaven’s sake, for heaven’s sake. The club manager is gong to hear from me this afternoon. Give him a piece and I mean a very large piece of my goddamn mind, if you’ll forgive my saying so, a piece of my (Replacing goddamn) “mm-mm” mind.

VIVIEN
It’s all right, da-, uh, darling.

GENE
What were they thinking, after all? Do they really need to wax a dance floor to a high gloss shine, when, what, we’re all just going to scuff it up with our feet? And they could have shown a little, I mean, an INCH of something…sympathy. Just one or two fingers of sympathy for all that humiliation.

VIVIEN
Of course.

GENE
Acting like it’s my job…they have people for this! My job to clean up the blood, while you’re sitting there in “Mm-mm” agony! (A beat) Oh…I need a shower. A shower and about eighty winks…(looks at her. She is still staring) Honey, are you still mad?

VIVIEN
No…no not at all.

GENE
I didn’t mean to laugh, I really didn’t.

VIVIEN
I know.

GENE (Starting to laugh)
I didn’t honestly, but you should have seen it. It was a scream, I never will forget. You did that twirl out there and all of a sudden like in a cartoon, both your legs just fly right out from under you and opposite ways they were supposed to go (Makes a big jerking X with his arms.) I was just laughing till I saw you’re head…It was…(looks at her, she is not laughing.) I’m sorry.

VIVIEN
Yes.

GENE
Anyway, he’s gonna get a chunk, not just a piece of my mind. Not now, certainly, but this afternoon. I’m beat. I know you are.

VIVIEN
Yes.

GENE
I’m gonna take a long hot shower, maybe shave. You should do the same, I bet it would do you a world of good.

VIVIEN
You’re right.

GENE
I know you’re mad, you sure are quiet. I love you. (Gives her a peck on the cheek and heads to the bathroom) Mind if I go first?

(VIVIEN shakes her head. He skips in to the bathroom, but leaves the door open. We see shadows of him taking off his clothes and getting into the shower.

VIVIEN watches intently and listens for the shower to start. Her head turns up to look at the phone on the night stand. She glances back at the bathroom, and sensing that he will not be out for a while, carefully lifts herself from the bed and moves to the phone.

Taking great pains, she places her finger under the receiver, and lifts it to her ear. She pulls her finger away with one protracted shift. VIVIEN then places her finger in the “0” hole and in an achingly deliberate motion spins the dial, trying to keep any sound from traveling to the shower.

She waits for a beat.)

VIVIEN (Almost whispering)
May I have a line out please? (A beat.) But what if I’d rather you just give me a line out, please? (A beat) Why can’t you do it? (A beat) It doesn’t say anywhere on here to dial 9. (A beat) Fine…fine…I’ll do it…sh! Sh! I’ll do it!

(She covers the cradle button with her finger and gives a desperate peek towards the bathroom. Again, VIVIEN lifts her finger from the button at a snail’s pace, and dials 9.

GENE calls out from the bathroom and she nearly drops the phone entirely)

GENE
You know what you should do, Viv? You should turn on the Television and see what’s on…I wonder if there’ll be anything this early. I always wanted to be there right when they take the flag off the air you know what I mean?

VIVIEN
Yes..of course.

(VIVIEN looks at the TV and then back at her phone. She brings it up to here ear and hears the dial tone. Forgetting the TV, she begins the tedious work of dialing the full number. Each digit takes her forever and she is growing more impatient with every slow ticking of the dial.

When at last VIVIEN is finished, she hold the receiver to her ear and presses it onto her sweaty face...waiting. The faint rigs can be heard, three then four then five rings. )

VIVIEN (Whispering to herself)
Please pick up…pick up. WAKE. UP. (A faint “Hello?” is heard) Mom? Are you there? (mumbling “Yes, I’m here”) I’m so glad to hear your voice. (“What on earth time is it?”) I don’t know about six, I suppose. (“Well, good, god Vivien, you sure picked a ripe time to call, you’re father damn near had a heart attack.”) Does Dad still work for the secret service? (“What kind of question…” ) Mother listen, to me…(“It’s really early, vi-“) Just shut up for a second-(“What did you just sa-“) Please listen to me mother…I don’t want you to worry – well, maybe a little bit I want you to worry, but please, I need your help (“You’re scaring me now..”) Please, I- there’s been a accident, and I’m alright…I went to the hospital to get stitches and mother, you have to listen carefully (“I am, for chrissake.”) Mother, the man who picked me up from the hospital is not my husband. (A Beat…”What?”) It’s not Gene, mother. I don’t know who he is, but he is not my husband. (“I don’t understand..”) He looks just like him, he talks just like him and whoever did this is very good at what they do, because he even swears like Gene…I don’t know what they’ve done with him….but this man is not Gene. (“Oh, my god.”)

(The shower stops from the bathroom, but VIVIEN does not notice)

I know what it sounds like…but you have to come get me. Right now…right now you have to come. (“Do you know what time it is?”) YES! I know what time it is goddamnit…you can’t leave me here with a perfect stranger-

(GENE enters with a towel wrapped around his waste)

GENE
Who’s on the phone?

(VIVIEN nearly leaps out of her skin and is horrified by the sight of the top-naked man before her)

VIVIEN
It’s, um, it’s my mother…I wanted to…

(There are mumbling sounds on the other end of the line becoming more and more frantic.)

GENE
Oh…tell her I said hello. I’m sure she wants to know what happened.

VIVIEN
Yes…(Into the phone, in the face of the screaming rambling) Right mother, mother – Gene, uh, Gene says, “Hello” (“What? I thought you said…Vivien”) Yes, we’re great. We’re going on a duck boat later today. (She gives a strained laugh trying to cover.) Yes…oh, heh, yes…Dad is such a card…(“Vivien Marie, What are you talking about?”) Okay…I’ll see you soon. I love you too.

(There are some faint mumbles on the other end that continue until she hangs up. She inadvertently slams the phone down. GENE has been standing watching her.)

GENE
Sweetheart, you look terrible. Like you’ve seen the “mm-mm” devil or something.

VIVIEN
Well, thank you, Ge-, uh, Gene. That’s what a new wife truly loves to hear. That’s exactly it.

GENE
Oh..I didn’t mean…

VIVIEN
I know what you meant.

GENE
Viv, why don’t you take a shower. And we’ll both just feel like it’s a new day…(chuckles) Well, it is a new day, isn’t it?

VIVIEN
Yes.

(GENE moves towards her, his still wet body opening up for a hug. She moves away and stands near the door. A beat. VIVIEN bursts into tears. GENE is utterly baffled.)

GENE
Christ, honey…

VIVIEN
Just stay right there…I’ll feel better in a little while…it’s been a - it’s been a long night and I don’t…I don’t…

(VIVIEN stares at GENE and slowly brings her fingers up to touch her bandage, which has begun to soak through with blood.)

GENE
Aw, goddamnit! Those numb nuts down there don’t even know how to give a couple of stiches…Christ.

(He marches over to the phone and pick it up)

GENE
I need a line out please. (a beat.) What do you mean I have to dial 9? (A beat) where does it say that? (He looks a the phone) Why can’t you do it? No forget it…FORGET IT.

(He slams down the phone, picks it up again and dials 9. He dials the number and looks over at VIVIEN while he awaits an answer.)

GENE
We’re creating a world full of people who can’t even do a goddamn favor anymore.

(Abrupt end)