Thursday, January 29, 2009

Random Thoughts

1. I am 29 days Lunesta free. Also (and I think this might be connected, so bear with me), I am 29 days sleep free.

2. Things I am anxious about this week:

Moving February 1st
My laundry
Why isn't my toothbrush where I left it?
Does my old Mac that has all my backups still work?
All my pens that disappear
Being sucked into the black hole of my former self

3. The last 5 months have felt like 5 years. I have speculated that a being's awareness of time speeds up with increased consciousness (Which is why a day to a child takes forever, but us grown ups feel it like one tick of the clock.)

My amendment to this is the perception of time slows during a surge of learning, be it mental learning - like multiplication tables - or emotional learning. As the body and brain integrate this new knowledge, the experience of time increases once again.

At this moment, I sense Time picking up its petty pace and I am resisting the acceleration. While I know life is fleeting and now and now and now is slipping through our fingers, I don't want to go back to that spare recognition of my surroundings- and the people in it- that comes with the intensified momentum.

That's natural, I realize. It's not possible to live in a state of chaos and emotional tumult forever. That can make a body crazy. My feelings, heartaches, depressions, regressions, etc. etc. are starting heal over and amass scar tissue and in many ways this is a relief.


It's as if I emerged from the woods, bloody and incoherent, completely dehydrated and hallucinating. The villagers in my brain ran to my rescue. Fed me. Tried to make sense of what happened when I was out there in the dark and wilderness.

Now that I have been made whole, and the Villagers are satisfied that I am back to normal and everyone can rest easy again, I find myself taking long walks at the outskirts of town. I linger at the edge of the woods, certain I hear my name called.

It's probably just the wind. Or the gust of Time passing me by.

4. New Google words this week :

Mulab |'Moo•lab|
n. A accidentally racist comment.

And from Rebar:

n. a person who indulges in sloppy seconds


Jan Smelk said...

have you tried napping? why is my nurture urge so bad with you that i must try to fix you with bossy advice comments on your blog? you see how I made that all about me?

alpacke (same as alpaca)----an alpaca with a degenerative spinal column disease

-j-j- said...

I'll make a mother out of anybody.

That's going to weird, isn't it? When I start calling you mom?

I'm going to go before this gets creepier

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