Monday, January 19, 2009

Don't Be Evil. Be Ubiquitous.

One of the ways traditional colonization works is through the systematic restructuring of a culture's religion, rituals and language. While, Google does not appear to be forcing us to bow to a giant statue of Steve Jobs, I sense its loving imperialism every time I try to make a comment on a friend's blog.

Those confirmation words seem awfully close to actual language, don't they? I wonder if they are prepping us for their final nurturing takeover, capitalizing on our nostalgia for the Sniglet, by injecting a little vocab lesson with every snarky remark made on Blogger.

Below is a sampling. Memorize them. They are the SAT words of tomorrow.

(These are not in alphabetical order for two reasons. 1) You know how hard that is for me and 2) In the future the Alphabet will be considered classist.)

Lamplawk |‘lamp•lawk|
v. To lurk from one room to the next, without aim or purpose, over a three day weekend. –esp. in one’s own home. -What did you do over Memorial Day? -Just lamplawked around the house, mostly.

Enflanst |en•’flanst|
v. (often to be enflanst) Past tense of the verb-Enflanse. Filled with wonder and excitement while sweating copious amounts from any area of the body that normally remains dry. Occurs only in the presence of another. (Enflanse. v. To cause such a reaction) Darling, I was so enflanst by you that my chin was soaking wet.

Fragity |’fragi•tee|
adj. Exhausted to the point of telling the unspeakable truth to co-workers and authority figures.

Drefle |’dre•fl |
n. A thing of minor importance, but considered worth mentioning (-esp. to divert attention from the lack of one’s own knowledge on a subject of discussion)
v. To speak with intense gravity or weight over such a thing Did you hear Tom drefle on and on about why Charles Dickens faced North while sleeping?

Buryocle |bur•ee•’oh•kl|
n. A distant Aunt or Uncle who behaves inappropriately at a funeral. Also, a dirty limerick or song sung by such a relative.

Subvi |’sub•vee |
v. To partially undermine by doing nothing

Squacil |’skwasil|
n. An amendment to a will in which all potential heirs lose their claims to the decedent’s estate should a fight break out among them.

Bedull |be•’dull|
v. To remove all reference or evidence of former glory.


Crazypants said...

i think you are on to something, there, jj.
the word that came up for me to leave this comment, is "hanes", which is, of course, a manufacturer of practical lingerie and under things.
which enflanses me to no end.

rebar said...

This is exactly why I want to put your brain in a jar and display it upon my mantle for all to behold.

I will now offer a definition each time I have to fill that stoopid box out.

You may pick and choose (or correct) as needed.

quendal |kwen•’doll|
n. a challenge between two players on the same pub quiz team on deciding the correct answer.

Oliver threw down a quendal when Beatrice regarded his answer of "Three Non Blondes" with a smirking retort.

Don Hall said...

This is my favorite post EVER!

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