'Cause You've Got Personality

I have a thing for personality tests. Anyone who knows me for about 10 minutes figures this out pretty quickly.

It's a love/hate thing, really. I love the idea that with a few short questions and answers, I might know so much more about who I am, how I relate to others and what I might be good at. I hate the idea the the human personality can be thus summarily reduced AND (Thank you very much) how dare you presume to know anything about me based on whether or not I believe "Women should not be allowed to drink in cocktail bars." or "I like to flirt."

(Statements above are from the draft of the Minnesota Multiphasic Personality Inventory used until its recalibration 1989.)

Heck, I even wrote a couple of plays on the subject. One with my friend Notnits and one on my own. It appears to be a preoccupation.

Whatever my suspicions may be, and however much I may think of personality tests in the same vein as tarot readings or horoscopes - I just can't get enough of them. Send me a link to a personality test on line and will halt whatever I am doing to take it. Because, fer chrissake, I just want to know what the hell makes my brain tick. Maybe the disclosure of whether I am a pirate or a ninja will open that door or self discovery.

No matter the result, I am invariably offended.

Here's what I learned today:

If I were a soft drink I'd be Coke
Two separate quizzes told me that I'd be Yoda in Star Wars
If I were on a sitcom, I'd be on "Everybody Loves Raymond" (Sobs) Oh, my god (Screams to the heavens) OH MY GOD.
If I were a cocktail, I'd be a Vodka Gimlet
If I were a Serial Killer I'd be Ed Gein
If I were an 80's Movie I'd be "Say Anything"
If I were a play by Shakespeare, I'd be "A Midsummer Night's Dream" (Jeez, can't I be "The Temp- Seriously? Everybody Loves Raymond?)
If I were a crayon, I'd be orange.
If I were a tortured singer song writer, I'd be Nick Cave.


(Sigh)


Everybody Loves Raymond?