Turkey n' Dressing Up

Thanksgiving has never been a big decorating holiday. Turkey day icons haven't evolved much past pilgrim hats and traced turkey hands (Not like, for instance, Christmas lights. Candles on the tree come Christmas morning evolved into - thank goodness - electric lights on the tree all December which evolved into electric lights around the windows, which evolved into electric lights all over the effing house starting in September). There may be some harvest gourds and cranberries on the centerpiece, but overall, the commercial focus is on the food.

Part of this might be because of the troubling mascots Thanksgiving has to play with. Holidays like Christmas and Easter (or even Halloween) are pretty ancient and can draw upon a variety of fun-loving characters. Not really into the birth of Christ? You can still celebrate the Solstice with a tree and big fat dude in a Red Suit to commemorate rebirth into the new year and social altruism. Not much for Passover or The Resurrection? Here are some adorable fertility symbols of eggs and bunnies.

Thanksgiving is fairly secular to begin with, not to mention recent. And what is the story of the first Thanksgiving? Pilgrims and Red Injuns sharing a meal to give thanks to the natives for showing them how to grow corn. And there's a Turkey. I have never been so moved by this story. It's hard to feel "aw shucks" and teary eyed when we all know what came next.

This is partially why decorations for Thanksgiving have focused on the food. There's the occasional Pilgrim Buckle Hat (In recent years, coloring books and costumes have shied away from feathered headbands to keep any accusations of racial insensitivity at bay. Though I bet you can still find all that Peace Pipe stuff at Walmart.) but for the most part, it's all about the dinner. And the Turkey.

This, to the decoration creators around the world is totally unacceptable. There's got to be SOMETHING we can sell people to get them through from Halloween to the start of Christmas. That's when the seasonal depression really takes hold, because there's nothing to dump in the front lawn to show the neighbors how truly happy and festive we are. (Scratching goateed chin) I wonder what it could be...




Of Course...I giant inflatable Turkey. So simple. So perfect. What can we dress it in? Just a plain old turkey is no fun. Why the finery of its tormentors, the Pilgrim Hat and vest. Now THAT's Fun.

Notice the look of complete ambivalence on this turkey's face. Looks so resigned. "Do what you will. I know my role. I 'll be slaughtered and roasting at 325 for 4 hours soon enough."




This guy is just stunned. How did this happen? Who are you people and what am I doing in these clothes?

I wonder that too, turkey, what ARE you doing in these clothes? Why...WHY is is necessary to dress up our food like PEOPLE. We covered this the anthropomorphic food section, but I feel it bears repeating. I DON'T WANT TO SEE TURKEYS DRESSED AS HUMANS. and on top of that, I don't want the doomed turkey to look like it could have FEELINGS about the situation. None of the Turkeys I've seen look remotely happy about what's going on. They all have expressions of terror, surprise, or resignation.

Why do we do this? To satisfy our own simmering bloodlust and latent desire to eat a being cognizant of its surroundings? If that's the case, why not just eat people? Save ourselves the trouble of having to dress up and humiliate this poor bird.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to very quickly overcome my disgust have some left overs. That Turkey can take his attributed consciousness and shove it.