Song for a Crappy Tuesday

"Second Tuesday in January" is gregarious and charismatic. You know this because he says that's how his friends describe him. This is also how you know that he is hilarious.

STiJ said this great thing one time, which he recounted, step by step: the set up, the dropped bomb of greatness, the immediate fallout, and his friends reactions for days. STiJ was getting phone calls even a couple of weeks later from friends so they could retell and relive the story together.

And then there was that other great thing that STiJ said. And then that other great thing.

STiJ has an unsettling habit of looking only at your mouth when you speak.

STiJ is impatient while you talk, but miffed when you don't invite him to look at your vacation pictures. STiJ constantly has his iPhone out (on which he has shown you every. single. app.), and gazes into its glowing, chimerical universe during conversations. Every so often he barks out an "Uh-huh."

STiJ has been temping in your office since New Year's...and now it looks like they are going to offer him a full time position. The cubicle next to you is vacant, and you fear that in a few days, it will become more so.


I used to like the Offspring, kind of. I never purchased one of their albums (though I think I wound up with one a few years ago - not sure how). They were invisibly woven into musical wallpaper of the early '90s - a band I didn't hate, but was never so moved to financially support.

I didn't even know the band's name until my roommate, Tina, was talking about the song she thought was funny, "Self Esteem".

"It's hilarious. This guy is talking about how his shitty girlfriend sleeps around on him, but he just can't break up with her." We talked about how the tone of the song would change drastically if a woman was singing it. How we'd judge her. How pathetic she'd be.

And the guy is pathetic, too. The turn-about is what makes this song even palatable. That, and the fact that, male or female, most of us have been in a relationship that demolished our ability to stand up for ourselves.

Still, I would not call myself an Offspring fan, but the thing I have to credit them for, is their sense of humor. They use a hard rock/punk sound as a vehicle for irony - a dude thrashing around about his relationship woes is pretty clever.