Monday, November 9, 2009

Q: Where are your Buccaneers? A: On my Buckin' head.

"Every time you sniff and say somebody has 'too much free time,' the part of you that used to love making things for pure joy dies a little."
- Merlin Mann

When I was little, I wanted to be a Scarecrow.

It's the first thing I can recall wanting to be as an occupation (followed by Ballerina, and then Bank Teller. I gave up Ballet-ing when I was seven, miffed at the teachers for not giving me toe shoes right away. As for the dream of being a Bank Teller - it was more of conclusion than an aspiration. I figured Bank Tellering is what grown ups did. I imagined the adult me - grown body/seven-year-old face [shudder] - clad in some sort of beige skirt and blouse set, breezing into work at the local Credit Union. Luckily, other ideas of adulthood took hold and this notion fizzled. That, and, let's be honest, I'd be a miserable failure as a Bank Teller.). I stuck tinkeroys in my pant legs and shirt sleeves. I wore a straw hat.

I told my mother that this is what I wanted to be and she giggled. To her credit, she did not try to dissuade me, knowing full well that within a few months, I'd develop ambitions beyond the corn fields.

Whenever I hear of anyone's peculiar interests and cultish obsessions, feel nothing but affection. Who is anyone to say what a body should love or pursue? As long as no one's getting hurt, what does it matter? The world is a complicated and chaotic place - why make it more difficult to attain bliss?

Which is why I feel a tremendous amount of guilt with I say this:

I want to slap this dude in the mouth.

Pirates of the Caribbean is a fun ride and the Depp's Jack Sparrow is a deft performance, to be sure. But this is where my love of pirates ends.

At a certain point in recent pop culture, Pirates and, in a strange pairing of unknown provenance, Ninjas became a sort of comedic short hand - the quick go to for a random laugh. Both pepper standup, sit-coms, improv sets, and sketch shows to explain odd job choices or off the wall behavior.

Furthermore, this guy, this fella who is so keen on turning his house into a pirate ship - I don't believe you. You got your million...where's the house? Have you started construction? Let's see the process. Pics Plz.

There is also this comment from his description:
"I've always wanted to be a pirate, and the onlyway I can truely do this is to live aboard a pirate ship...[sic]"
Actually, no. There are other ways - like getting hired by these guys, for instance:

The Somali Pirates, I'm sure, are always looking for more land lubbers to swab the deck.


I don't want to be a hater. I don't want to be the The Man. Whatever brings you joy, so be it.

But, may my tribe forgive me, I'm fucking sick of fucking Pirates and Ninjas.


NotNits said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
NotNits said...


joe g said...

Pirates were also Shakespeare's quick go-to. Remember how Hamlet got off the boat that was taking him to his death in England?

'Course, that don't make it right...

Alsha said...

Three words:

Flying Spaghetti Monster.

Not gonna lie, but I think he would be pleased.

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